Trump Temptations: The Billionaire and the Bellboy
By Elijah Daniel
Total Rating: that smell somewhere between skunk spray and old coffee grounds
Characters: 2/5
Plot: 3/5
Writing: 2/5
Giggle Factor: 8/5
Okay, guys, time to face facts. If you were fool enough to read this story, as I was by the eager pushing of my teen Pathfinder group you know as well as I do that this is terrible prose at its finest. Are there mistakes? Oh, yes. Is the grammar atrocious? Definitely. Did the main character have as much to define him as a squashed avocado? That'd probably be generous.
Did I laugh? Hell, yes.
In three short chapters, Elijah Daniel manages to send up both the romance genre (and its amateur offspring, the fanfic) and our current president before he was in a position to throw paper towels at Puerto Rican survivors of a natural disaster with all the personal empathy of a constipated moose. It reads like some of the worst earnestly written fanfiction I've ever read and still manages to grasp all the parts of Trump that I would never, ever want to grasp.
I think my favorite line will always be "his oily orange skin glistening in the sunlight as if he were a soggy cheeto." Bravo, Mr. Daniel. Bravo.
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